Now, I know this is an American site but, if you ever want to have your belief in cops undermined...

http://www.copswritingcops.com/home.html

To your average shoplifting toerag (see blogs passim) nothing appeals more than some small disposable object which can be flogged quickly and simply for cash to turn into crack. Thus, one of the most shoplifted items are Mach 3 razor-blades but have been outbreaks of Lemsip and the suchlike becoming the perps fave of the week. However, today I had two, unconnected, defendants who have been shoplifting condoms in industrial quantities, £80 to £100 at a time. I confess that my mind started to boggle a tad. I mean to say, who would buy a secondhand packet of condoms, still platic wrapped or not? Besides which, how on earth would anyone go about approaching someone to try to sell them said condoms without sounding like a Monty Python sketch?

Juror listened to music on her MP3 player rather than the evidence in a MURDER trial!

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23403597-details/Facing+jail%2C+juror+whose+hijab+hid+an+MP3+player/article.do

Humm, all part of the rich diversity of Londoners... I suppose.

So, a new cabinet and different people to take the blame for us. We got Baroness Scotland as A-G and Judge Straw above her in the MINISTRY OF JUSTICE. (sorry, I always feel that has to be said in CAPITALS). The scuttle-butt says that she is very, very clever but I am worried about her total lack of criminal law experience. However, I do note that her biography on the Home(r) Office website says that 'Baroness Scotland is a Dame of the Sacred Military Constantinian Order of Saint George.' I don't know what that is but it sounds bloody marvellous. Perhaps it comes with uniforms and secret oaths sworn under flags by burning torchlight. I live in hope.

LATER - Having written the above in a certain sense of humour and mockery, I decided to look up the said Order.

http://www.constantinianorder.org/

You know, I am a tad worried particularly the bit where it says 'The Order is dedicated to propaganda of the Faith, Defence of the Church and support of the Holy See; the members owe a particular duty of loyalty to the Pope and to support the teachings and dogma of the Roman Catholic Church.' Hummmmmm????

Just in case people have missed this case which was dismissed by a judge today.

http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110010225

Woman marries convict on death row. Such a sweet tale of love conquering all.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/6232870.stm

However, in the interest of balance, here is that pesky background for which the BBC could not find the space.

http://thelastplantation.com/2007/06/21/taking-another-stab-at-love.aspx

A quick highlight from the report on the crime:-
'Willie Albert Jones, an inmate at the Buncombe County Jail, shared dormitory space in the jail with defendant. Jones testified that defendant told everyone in earshot about the murder, saying the victim used his drugs but would not give him sex. Defendant also wrote and sang a rap song about the murder. Jones recalled that the words of the song were “You shouldn'thave done what you done . . . smoke my rock, wouldn't give me none, you know, and I went and did what I did . . . I told you once, I told you twice, that you are going to have to pay the sacrifice . . . with your life.” Another inmate, Eddie Oglesby, similarly testified that defendant sang about the killing and told Oglesby that he slashed the victim. According to Oglesby, defendant told him that the victim would not give him oral sex after smoking defendant's cocaine and that, in frustration, defendant hit the victim on the back of the head with a bottle and stabbed her.
Donald Jason, M.D., the forensic pathologist who performed the autopsy on King, testified that she suffered a total of forty-eight wounds to the face, head, back, buttocks, and upper back of her legs. Dr. Jason was of the opinion that King bled to death because of multiple stab and incised wounds caused by “a sharp object. These wounds are not consistent with typical knife wounds. They are all different sizes, shapes, irregular, fairly shallow. But some other type of sharp object such as something made out of glass that has a broken, sharp edge, or broken sharp edges of varying sizes and shapes.”

Always good to see someone showing true remorse and regret.

Still, at least he has only murdered one person ... oops, oh no sorry, wrong again.

When you realise that your theme tune has already been written

( Read more... )

For a long time. Remembering that I was in court all day on Tuesday so could not prepare any cases for today, I was somewhat daunted, yep that is the polite phrase, daunted to discover four bags of files awaiting me this morning. The daunt did not diminish when I started looking through them to discover that they, each and everyone, had apparently been untouched by human hand since the dawn of civilisation, or at least the last time that they were listed. Any matter that should have been dealt with in the preceding weeks had apparently been left to the Magic Invisible Casework Pixies because no other bugger had made any attempt to get these cases ready. I had cases in which I can only assume, in my generosity, that the reviewing lawyer was on some interesting if illegal pharmaceutical concoction because the charging decision would only have made sense in another dimension where the laws of Archbold and Hansard do not exist, like Highbury Corner. Then, and only when I am in a weakened and somewhat tremulous state, then came the piece de resistance when I receive another FIFTEEN overnight cases.

All in all, an interesting day.

Once again, it occurred to me in court how wrong and rude people are about our beloved Her Majesty's Constabulary. Our boys in blue must be the most vigilant, proactive and perceptive policemen in the world. I know for a fact this is true because, when I listen to the mitigation of the felons and villains who fall beneath my justice, it is alwasy the first time that they have been driving since being disqualified that they get caught. Likewise, it is on the first time that our Eastern European cousins have considered pickpocketing that they get apprehended and no drug dealer has ever considered dealing until that fateful day when the rozzers saved them from slipping into a life of vice and degradation. Just such bad luck for them, innit?

Well, that was an interesting week. I had to do 3 and a half days in court, some with inadequate preparation and some with absolutely none and, for the first time ever in this job, I felt inadequate. I know that I was not well enough prepared for the bail applications and, whilst I do not think that anybody got bail who should not have done, I feel a bit of a failure at the moment.

I guess that I am going to have to go to my boss and ask for either more preparation time or some additional training in bail applications. The problem is that, when I get 14 or so overnights, that is people kept in custody to attend court, I cannot seem to read through them when they are being called on and retain all the points that I want to make in my head. By the gods, if I am not careful, I am going to have to start making notes like real prosecutors do.

Oh well, another 3 days next week.

So, the easy life of a D.C.W. seems past. I have received my rota for next week and the only polite way to describe it is frenetic.

Monday morning to Hornsey Police Station and the afternoon at Edmonton Green
Tuesday all day at Enfield Magistrates
Wednesday all day at Haringey Magistrates
Thursday morning at Edmonton Green and the afternnon at Enfield Magistrates Court
Friday, once again all day at Enfield.

You may note that there is no point in the schedule for preparation of cases. Ah well, this will either go well or there will be an explosion and a crash with bits of prosecutor being strewn over northern London. Both will be ... entertaining.

From Court today,
'Your Worships, you will be aware that Mr. Woolhead (real name, gawd help him) has pleaded guilty to being drunk and disorderly. Unfortunately I have no papers at all in this matter and, if you need them, I will require a short adjournment to try to find some. However, you may think that there is not likely to be any aggravating or mitigating features in a matter of drunk and disorderly. Again, I have no information as to whether he has any previous convictions but I suspect that this will make no difference to sentence. In light of this, I can tell from the charge sheet that on the 19th April, in Praed Street Enfield, Mr. Woolhead was drunk and behaved in a manner deemed disorderly. No application for costs.'

If you are a disqualified driver attempting to fool a member of HM Constabulary by giving the false details of your brother, it might have been advisable to check if he too was not also disqualified.

When handing over a threatening note in a bank, do not do it on an envelope which includes a letter from the DSS giving your name and address.

I had a female defendant today who claimed to drink between 240 and 280 units of alcohol a week. Now, as a chap who has been known to exceed the recommended drink limits myself once or twice, I reserve the right to have serious doubts on this. I mean to say, that is the equivalent of about 35 bottles of Budweiser or equivalent a day. Regardless of capacity ability to function or indeed just not dying of alcohol poisoning, that is somewhat over £300 a week. Now, in addition, she claimed to run a kitchen at a restaurant including orderuing, keeping the accounts and so forth - oh yes, and she is 19. Just do not see it. Even I have trouble breaking 40 units in a day and I have a lot of space to put the stuff.

On an unconnected point, I think that I must have had the slowest Bench in the world today. It took them 45 minutes to consider a straightforward disqualified driving. When they went out on my second case, I turned to the clerk and said 'When they say that they are going to retire to consider their decision, I think they mena that they will wait until they turn 65 before they come back.' Ah well, I thought it was funny.

Yesterday was not a day that will be put in my special memories diary. I turned up at court to shadow another lawyer, allegedy to learn from him. Well, the court was incredibly slow and involved absolutely nothing that I had not already dealt with in some way. I was in a special world of bored. At least if I had been presenting the cases I would have had the occiasional jab of adrenaline to keep me going but, as it was I felt as if I was being smothered in molasses, and salty molasses at that.
Because the morning had been so slow, my afternoon court got everything that was left over so, instead of doing the five sentences that I had prepared and had carefully copied all that was necessary, I found myself with twleve random other cases about which I knew exactly nada. I just got confused, missed stuff off a defendants previous convictions in one case, got mixed up between two cases and, if you excuse the legal speak, halfway through a Mode of Trial hearing started to oppose bail instead to the extent that I had to apologise, ask to start again and then said in about twenty words what I had been waffling about for the past five minutes. Aarghh.
I think that I will blame the fatigue as I had a very poor night and, when I got home after the court finally finished around 6:30, I staggered into bed and stayed there until 8:30 a.m.
Still, next week I am in court on four days meaning I stay out of the office all week. Many bus rides across London beckon though.

When you discover that one of the police at my police station that I deal with is Officer Dibble. Okay, P.C. Dibble to be scrupulously accurate but close enough. Now it is time to keep an eye out for the cats in hats hanging around local alleyways.

Nothing quite like being given two jobs to do simultaneously. To cut to the quick, it means that I ma going into court tomorrow without having prepared more than one in three of my files. I must think that this is a challenge that will get my adrenaline going, not the preparation for the largest FUBAR in the history of the C.P.S..
I opposed bail for a couple of felons (alleged) for the first time today. Not the hardest case that I will ever have as the two Polish gentlemen in question had been running a fake document factory so claims by the defence that witholding their passports would stop them leaving the country were fairly easily overcome. Indeed, I had to resist using the word 'rissible' and 'pshaw'.
On other issues, a colleague had the delights of a 14-handed G.B.H./attempted murder come unexpectedly into court on Friday. Nasty in itself but the local Police Inspector came along as well. He casually asked my colleague if he was going to oppose bail and when told that he really had to, given the offence, apparently the Inspector sighed deeply and announced that he had nowhere to put them. No prison slot, no police station cell, nowhere in all of London, not even behind the camisole. Somewhat scary.

I had a lawyer in court with me on Tuesday so I wanted to put over a calm, competent air and seem to be in charge and know what I was doing. Naturally, every little thing went wrong so I found myself flailing around like a stranded guppy, (albeit a very large and heavy guppy). The moment she left, undoubtedly to spread mocking tales of the incompetence of DCWs, everything went perfectly. Gaaaahhhh!

I was wandering through this website which is the proceedings at the Old Bailey 1674 to 1834 whilst musing that, apparently, in the 1840s, the average length of a trial at the Old Bailey was 42 minutes. However, thinking about it, the trials in 'Law and Order' take less time so mayhaps nothing has really changed :-)

http://www.oldbaileyonline.org/

One of the items that I noticed was the form of an indictment for rape -
'JOHN FOY was indicted for that he not having the fear of God before his eyes, but being instigated by the Devil on the 23d of October last did make an assault on Mary Powell spinster in the peace of God and of the king then and there being, and her the said Mary then and there against her will feloniously did ravish, and carnally know, against the form of the statute, and against the King's peace'
That pretty much puts forward the case, I suspect.

I apologise to those who have read this in Another Place (tm) but I feel that the quote is worth repeating, particularly given the flavour and standard of the laws that I am supposed to enforce -

'The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily,or mental or spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves , than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest.'